We leave in the morning

In about 24 hours we will be in Guatemala. And in about 36 hours we will be holding Samuel for the first time. It is sinking in.

Yesterday as I checked things off my list, I had a blanket for Samuel wrapped around my shoulders. I have washed it so it smells like our things and I have wrapped myself in it so it smells like me. So that when we leave it behind he will remember us.

We have duplicate toys, one to leave with him and one to have here. (Many things we bring for him may stay in Guatemala for the foster mom to have for the next baby. I'll bring back things that I want for keepsakes.) But we thought for toys we will leave one for him there and then when he comes here there will be familiar things.

I have lists of questions for the foster mom (thank you Julie and Holli!!) and have read up on developmental milestones at three and four months.

We have baby tylenol and medicine for diaper rash. Luggage full of bottles and formula....and lots of cute clothes (thank you Grandmas and Aunts).

We have books to read in English and Spanish (Goodnight Moon and Buenos Noches Luna).

Our church asked how to pray for us this morning and I am so struck with what a caring community we are part of. They have been intimately involved with each step- even having pictures up of Samuel in their homes. And this week they will water our flowers and have solitude in our attic and pray and pray and celebrate.

I sit here tonight realizing how prepared we are. And it strikes me- Samuel is at the only home he has ever known- maybe sleeping, maybe eating, maybe playing, maybe crying. He is hearing voices in Spanish and seeing familiar faces. We have prepared for this day for so long....and he has done nothing to prepare. No wondering what to wear the first time we meet, or if he should leap into my arms or wait for his foster mom to hand him to me. He is going through the routine he has known.

And in 36 hours will he wonder what hit him? He will be in a hotel, a place he's never been. There will be people with very light skin speaking in a funny language.

I said that to Rob- will he know what hit him? And he responded "love". "Love is what you will bring, don't hold back." I've got that- and with all my preparedness, love is what he will need. (and someone who knows how to change his diaper and prepare a bottle)

So if you pray, will you pray that we won't hold back the full force of our love. That we won't hold back how much we have desired this moment. Pray that in the transition of surroundings, Samuel will know love. Love that flows generously. Love that comes not from what we can offer on our own human strength. Love that has been shaped and formed deeply from the "well of grief", from hope.

At our small boat on Monday night, we were talking about what this transition might be like for Samuel....and Thomas said Samuel will look at us and say "Oh, these are the ones God was telling me about". That has stuck with me as I have prayed so often since his referral for his young heart to be tenderly drawn to God. And so that image has meant a lot. To trust that God has known the yearning of our hearts for so long. And that he knows Samuel- and he choose him for us.

So that would be my second area of prayer- for the transition to not merely be about all the "stuff", but to trust there is something deeper going on as we begin to bond with our son for the first time. So yes, please pray for him to feel safe and comfortable and to be healthly and for Rob and I not to panic with new parent tasks. And will you pray for our hearts and souls and spirits- to begin to shepherd and parent and love. I know right now he is so young, that most of our parenting is about physical care. But I know my love for him right now is so much more.

Our first meeting with Samuel is with a great "cloud of witnesses".
Thank you for being that.

love
melanie