Posts
I had a few people email me or ask more about the PGN process and what it means in terms of when Samuel comes home. (For those of you following the outline I posted back in May, we are at Step 16. See http://roadtosamuel.blogspot.com/2007/05/process-overview.html)
I had initially thought we would be in PGN by end of July and then moved up to hoping we would be in by beginning of July. And so to go in on June 15th is exciting!! So far then, we have moved along quicker than "average", whatever average means:) But it does seem that some cases move quickly at one point in the process and then hit bumps later...and others that have so many obstacles getting started and then sail along. And then of course ones that seem slow going the whole way through. (I am on our agency's discussion board and can attest to the heartache and uncertainty of the process, it is not for the faint of heart)
PGN is similar to an Attorney Generals office- and is the last process that our case goes through. When it is done with PGN- you will hear a big shout that we are out!
So that is great news- what is a little harder to handle is that the time frames for being in PGN vary ridiculously!! I won't even tell you the range that we heard while we were in Guatemala.
But on average, it seems cases are in 2-3 months. It is unusual for someone's case to go through without any kickouts. I believe our agency says on average a family has 3-5 kickouts (those don't have to be at separate times, we may get one kickout for 3-5 "previos"- things that need to be fixed.) There is one family on our agency's board that went through in six weeks without any kickouts. And another family that just got out last week after six months.
So let's say we go through in six weeks- that means we would be out of PGN on July 27th. And would travel about a month after that to bring Samuel home (or however long to have his birth certificate and visa issued). So he could be home end of August.
If it takes three months (or 12 weeks)- we would be out on Sept 7th (which would be his 7 month bday!!) And home mid October.
If it takes....ok I'm not going there!
Which is actually kind of reassuring to me to see that we are on track for what we posted earlier. I think we had said the earliest we could have him home would be August and that more likely Oct or Nov.
Does that help?
I wish we had a date we could say he will be here. We often get asked that...and it is hard to keep saying I don't know. But keep asking because someday I will be able to tell you- our Embassy appointment is on Wed at 8:15am!! (It does seem they are all early in the morning)
Thank you once again for praying for us and cheering us on. I cannot wait until the day when Samuel gets to meet each one of you.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
PGN- We Are In
The email came this morning saying we were submitted to PGN on June 15th.
We were entered without our PA- which some attorneys do in hopes of speeding up the process. I had heard of that, but didn't know our attorney would do that.
(The thought is that the file is going to be kicked out for something. By submitting without PA, when the file is kicked out, the attorney can fix those issues and resubmit with PA. The hope is that the file is being reviewed while the wait occurs for PA.)
If that doesn't make sense, you can just say "Whooo Hooo" they got into PGN. That's what Rob decided this morning after I was explaining the pros and cons of going into PGN without PA- bottom line, it's good we are in PGN. It may speed up what our case would have been, or it may be the same time frame....but we are in- the last leg of the journey!!!!
One more day closer to Samuel.
We were entered without our PA- which some attorneys do in hopes of speeding up the process. I had heard of that, but didn't know our attorney would do that.
(The thought is that the file is going to be kicked out for something. By submitting without PA, when the file is kicked out, the attorney can fix those issues and resubmit with PA. The hope is that the file is being reviewed while the wait occurs for PA.)
If that doesn't make sense, you can just say "Whooo Hooo" they got into PGN. That's what Rob decided this morning after I was explaining the pros and cons of going into PGN without PA- bottom line, it's good we are in PGN. It may speed up what our case would have been, or it may be the same time frame....but we are in- the last leg of the journey!!!!
One more day closer to Samuel.
Friday, June 22, 2007
Rob was born in Pittsburgh......
PA!!
Ok that was my attempt at a clever way to announce that we received PA.
I was on my way back from lunch with a friend when Rob called me. (After all my obsessive hourly refreshing of my email...Rob is the one to see it first.) It said "a pre-approval has been issued for the above mentioned adoption case. You may pick up the pre-approval at Window 10." That made us want to head back down to Guatemala to be at Window 10 first thing Monday morning....but I suppose we will leave that to the attorney to pick up.
So we now wait for our case to enter PGN.
(I guess when I'm feeling really impatient about something, I should just post it on the blog.)
Happy Friday night.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
4:30 Blues
I have been noticing that since being back, every weekday about 4:30pm I start getting sad. It is connected to the realization that another day has gone by without an update or news on our adoption process. Usually emails from our case worker come first thing in the morning or around 4-5pm.
I've been hoping for either an email saying we have PA (those have actually been coming on Saturdays) and even more so this week, an email with a medical update. We typically get those once a month, after Samuel has had his x month checkup. He turned 4 months on 6/7 and yet no update. Of course we were there with him when he turned 4 months, so I know it was most likely the next week that he went to the doctor. I'm not anxious for pictures, but just for something to document how he is doing.
I suppose it stems from a whole week of watching his every breath. Of knowing all that he was doing. And the last I saw was on June 8th, him leaving in a taxi with the foster family. Did they make it to the bus ok? How was their five hour journey home? Did he have to adjust back? Does he miss us?
It is so much harder to wait now that we have experienced his presence.
Come on PA and come on Medical Update.
I've been hoping for either an email saying we have PA (those have actually been coming on Saturdays) and even more so this week, an email with a medical update. We typically get those once a month, after Samuel has had his x month checkup. He turned 4 months on 6/7 and yet no update. Of course we were there with him when he turned 4 months, so I know it was most likely the next week that he went to the doctor. I'm not anxious for pictures, but just for something to document how he is doing.
I suppose it stems from a whole week of watching his every breath. Of knowing all that he was doing. And the last I saw was on June 8th, him leaving in a taxi with the foster family. Did they make it to the bus ok? How was their five hour journey home? Did he have to adjust back? Does he miss us?
It is so much harder to wait now that we have experienced his presence.
Come on PA and come on Medical Update.
Monday, June 18, 2007
Waiting for PA
The next step on the paperwork journey is Pre Approval (PA). This is issued by the US Embassy in Guatemala. It allows us to enter PGN- the final leg of this journey. (See my post below for all the steps. We are on step 15.)
Recently the US Embassy gave notification that PA would begin to take up to 60 days (measured from when DNA results are matched and at the embassy). We are on about Day 53.
The wait feels like it has intensified since being with Samuel for the week.
I don't want to forget what it felt like to hold him and what he smelt like and how he giggled when he took a bath.
Please pray for PA to come soon.
Recently the US Embassy gave notification that PA would begin to take up to 60 days (measured from when DNA results are matched and at the embassy). We are on about Day 53.
The wait feels like it has intensified since being with Samuel for the week.
I don't want to forget what it felt like to hold him and what he smelt like and how he giggled when he took a bath.
Please pray for PA to come soon.
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Happy Fathers Day
Happy Fathers Day to all of you fathers and to all of you who father in many ways.
Happy Fathers Day to Rob- the father of Samuel. I can not wait to see you day to day as a father- all of your dreams of parenting and guiding and talking and shepherding. You are an amazing man, an amazing Dad. How many babies will grow up knowing all about theology and heat transfer? And how many will have a dad who is so enthusiastic about life- who loves to celebrate each milestone? You have already written volumes to your son. I don't know if he will ever see all the words your have written to him and on his behalf. But I do know he will see how those words are lived out in your life. And he will be impacted. What is that Lewis quote, "the pain now is part of the joy later. Or the joy now is part of the pain later". I suppose both are true in the journey of being a dad. Thank you for not letting go of either.
And of course I can't think of Fathers Day without thinking of my dad. It is bittersweet as I+of+Dad+and+I+Portland+2005.jpg)
think of Samuel...and that in this life he will not know my dad. I promise he will grow up knowing lots of stories of his grandfather. There are a lot to tell. Your grandfather, your abuelo, was a man full of life and passion. He gave of himself to relationships and coffee and Sunday night basketball. He loved your abuela since he was only 18....and he cherished his only daughter. Because of the love and security he gave his daughter, she grew into a woman who could endure such loss and still hope for you. She grew into a woman who could tenderly accept the love of the world around her, and trust something bigger than herself to protect from it's harm. His life here ended too quickly, too unexpectedly. But he died in the way he lived- running up and down the basketball court, sharing his faith and showing the world how much he loved his family.
Fathers leave us with many marks- some of harm and some of grace. Thank you Father that my experiences have been gifts, legacies that I will carry on. And even more than that, thank you that you are a redeemer and in those places of harm and abuse that so many in my world have known, you can step in and be a tender Father- and one who will fight for our healing.
Happy Father's Day to you too.
Happy Fathers Day to Rob- the father of Samuel. I can not wait to see you day to day as a father- all of your dreams of parenting and guiding and talking and shepherding. You are an amazing man, an amazing Dad. How many babies will grow up knowing all about theology and heat transfer? And how many will have a dad who is so enthusiastic about life- who loves to celebrate each milestone? You have already written volumes to your son. I don't know if he will ever see all the words your have written to him and on his behalf. But I do know he will see how those words are lived out in your life. And he will be impacted. What is that Lewis quote, "the pain now is part of the joy later. Or the joy now is part of the pain later". I suppose both are true in the journey of being a dad. Thank you for not letting go of either.And of course I can't think of Fathers Day without thinking of my dad. It is bittersweet as I
+of+Dad+and+I+Portland+2005.jpg)
think of Samuel...and that in this life he will not know my dad. I promise he will grow up knowing lots of stories of his grandfather. There are a lot to tell. Your grandfather, your abuelo, was a man full of life and passion. He gave of himself to relationships and coffee and Sunday night basketball. He loved your abuela since he was only 18....and he cherished his only daughter. Because of the love and security he gave his daughter, she grew into a woman who could endure such loss and still hope for you. She grew into a woman who could tenderly accept the love of the world around her, and trust something bigger than herself to protect from it's harm. His life here ended too quickly, too unexpectedly. But he died in the way he lived- running up and down the basketball court, sharing his faith and showing the world how much he loved his family.Fathers leave us with many marks- some of harm and some of grace. Thank you Father that my experiences have been gifts, legacies that I will carry on. And even more than that, thank you that you are a redeemer and in those places of harm and abuse that so many in my world have known, you can step in and be a tender Father- and one who will fight for our healing.
Happy Father's Day to you too.
Monday, June 11, 2007
No More Pictures
Hello
You may see that there are no longer pictures here. We received an email from our agency asking us "to not post any pictures or identifying information about your child until the child is legally yours. It could be a cause of denying your adoption within the country of their birth."
Obviously we do not want to do anything that could harm the adoption process, so we have removed all pictures- and links to the picassa web pictures.
We are checking with our agency to see if it is ok to email pictures- if so please let us know if you would like any updates and we will add you to an email list.
(you can email me at melanie.gillgrist@gmail.com)
Thanks!!
Melanie
You may see that there are no longer pictures here. We received an email from our agency asking us "to not post any pictures or identifying information about your child until the child is legally yours. It could be a cause of denying your adoption within the country of their birth."
Obviously we do not want to do anything that could harm the adoption process, so we have removed all pictures- and links to the picassa web pictures.
We are checking with our agency to see if it is ok to email pictures- if so please let us know if you would like any updates and we will add you to an email list.
(you can email me at melanie.gillgrist@gmail.com)
Thanks!!
Melanie
Saturday, June 9, 2007
We are home
Hi, it's Melanie. We landed a few hours ago.
I've been both drawn to wanting to post...and struggling to have words.
I thought a lot on the plane (at least the Houston to Seattle leg- Gua City to Houston I slept soundly!!), what words do I have to say?
I'm so glad that Rob posted pictures and some updates. It has been great reading your comments and encouragement. We do have a beautiful son. (maybe I shouldn't use the word beautiful as I am still getting over a woman asking "how old is she?" Rob said I looked at Samuel and then back at her as though I was amazed she could think my child was a girl- and said HE is four months today!)
Ok, so back to what do I have to say?
I think my emotions are still catching up with me. So I'm not sure I have much "emotion" to post tonight, but would love to share some of the "facts".
As many of you know, I'm a linear thinker....so here I go!
We arrived late Monday night to thunderstorms. We knew it was rainy season, but weren't expecting thunderstorms every afternoon. At least it was predictable!
I don't think I slept much Monday night- and I got up early to not miss the phone call to say they were here.
Our paperwork said that if we hadn't heard from them by 11am, we could call Oscar, our translator. At 10:59am we started dialing. He said we will be there at 1:30pm.
Our hearts both sunk as we were expecting the call any minute to say they are in the lobby....but also was relaxing to have a time set.
So at 1:30pm (mountain time) on June 5th we met Samuel for the first time.
I can picture so clearly the moment we walked into the lobby, and seeing the foster mom sitting on the sofa, as she turned around with Samuel on her lap, he looked up at us and slowly let out the biggest smile. He smiled and giggled with us for the next hour or two.
She handed him to me and we sat while we went over all the info- feedings, how to comfort him, etc. That's when we learned that he poops once a day and hadn't yet that day.
The foster mom and her mom were wonderful. I will have to have a whole post on them. They were kind and caring and so clearly love Samuel. They live in the Guatemala Highlands and it had taken them 5 hours by bus and taxi to get to the hotel. It is the greatest "consolation" (not sure if that's quite the right word) to know that Samuel is with them right now. It truly made saying goodbye much more about my sadness in missing him, but not concern on how he will be doing. He has four women (including her two teenage daughters) who love him and hold him and nurture him.
After we said goodbye to them, we headed up to the room. We held him and played with him and were immediately in love. After a while, we called my mom for her to come meet her grandson. It was wonderful to have her there. (Both from a practical sense in her help and it was so tender to see how natural she is as a grandmother for the first time).
Around this time is when the wheel fell off (isn't that the phrase Ted uses?). Samuel would not eat, we would try and try, but he would not take his bottle. And then the crying started. It broke our hearts. It was a cry that I later learned was different from I'm hungry or I need a diaper change. We tried everything.....that's when we became concerned that maybe he was constipated. That night was so hard.
Now I look and I think, for the first time he spent five hours on a bus, he is in this hotel, he doesn't know us and he is exhausted. Around 8pm he fell asleep. He slept until 2am. When he woke up, I tried feeding him and he took a couple of oz. At 4am he woke up, and was smiling, took a full bottle and from then on didn't stop smiling. He slept close to the same schedule the foster mom told us- to bed around 8pm, wakes up at 2am sometimes for a feeding, and then wakes up at 4 or 5am, takes a nap at 8:30am and at noon.
I knew it was trouble when I heard of an 8:30am NAP.
Tues was a hard day, I was so worried he was not going to get enough to eat. That worry soon disappered as I thought can he really be ready for another bottle?
It was a delight.
I'm realizing that I think I'm done for tonight. There is so much to type.
I'll continue on in the next couple of days, because there is much to say.
I'll close with a list of some of my favorite things of the week:
I've been both drawn to wanting to post...and struggling to have words.
I thought a lot on the plane (at least the Houston to Seattle leg- Gua City to Houston I slept soundly!!), what words do I have to say?
I'm so glad that Rob posted pictures and some updates. It has been great reading your comments and encouragement. We do have a beautiful son. (maybe I shouldn't use the word beautiful as I am still getting over a woman asking "how old is she?" Rob said I looked at Samuel and then back at her as though I was amazed she could think my child was a girl- and said HE is four months today!)
Ok, so back to what do I have to say?
I think my emotions are still catching up with me. So I'm not sure I have much "emotion" to post tonight, but would love to share some of the "facts".
As many of you know, I'm a linear thinker....so here I go!
We arrived late Monday night to thunderstorms. We knew it was rainy season, but weren't expecting thunderstorms every afternoon. At least it was predictable!
I don't think I slept much Monday night- and I got up early to not miss the phone call to say they were here.
Our paperwork said that if we hadn't heard from them by 11am, we could call Oscar, our translator. At 10:59am we started dialing. He said we will be there at 1:30pm.
Our hearts both sunk as we were expecting the call any minute to say they are in the lobby....but also was relaxing to have a time set.
So at 1:30pm (mountain time) on June 5th we met Samuel for the first time.
I can picture so clearly the moment we walked into the lobby, and seeing the foster mom sitting on the sofa, as she turned around with Samuel on her lap, he looked up at us and slowly let out the biggest smile. He smiled and giggled with us for the next hour or two.
She handed him to me and we sat while we went over all the info- feedings, how to comfort him, etc. That's when we learned that he poops once a day and hadn't yet that day.
The foster mom and her mom were wonderful. I will have to have a whole post on them. They were kind and caring and so clearly love Samuel. They live in the Guatemala Highlands and it had taken them 5 hours by bus and taxi to get to the hotel. It is the greatest "consolation" (not sure if that's quite the right word) to know that Samuel is with them right now. It truly made saying goodbye much more about my sadness in missing him, but not concern on how he will be doing. He has four women (including her two teenage daughters) who love him and hold him and nurture him.
After we said goodbye to them, we headed up to the room. We held him and played with him and were immediately in love. After a while, we called my mom for her to come meet her grandson. It was wonderful to have her there. (Both from a practical sense in her help and it was so tender to see how natural she is as a grandmother for the first time).
Around this time is when the wheel fell off (isn't that the phrase Ted uses?). Samuel would not eat, we would try and try, but he would not take his bottle. And then the crying started. It broke our hearts. It was a cry that I later learned was different from I'm hungry or I need a diaper change. We tried everything.....that's when we became concerned that maybe he was constipated. That night was so hard.
Now I look and I think, for the first time he spent five hours on a bus, he is in this hotel, he doesn't know us and he is exhausted. Around 8pm he fell asleep. He slept until 2am. When he woke up, I tried feeding him and he took a couple of oz. At 4am he woke up, and was smiling, took a full bottle and from then on didn't stop smiling. He slept close to the same schedule the foster mom told us- to bed around 8pm, wakes up at 2am sometimes for a feeding, and then wakes up at 4 or 5am, takes a nap at 8:30am and at noon.
I knew it was trouble when I heard of an 8:30am NAP.
Tues was a hard day, I was so worried he was not going to get enough to eat. That worry soon disappered as I thought can he really be ready for another bottle?
It was a delight.
I'm realizing that I think I'm done for tonight. There is so much to type.
I'll continue on in the next couple of days, because there is much to say.
I'll close with a list of some of my favorite things of the week:
- Bathing Samuel and listening to him giggle as he splashed the water
- Seeing his eyes light up when I would pick him up from a nap
- Changing his clothes a couple times a day (maybe not his favorite)
- Trying to speak Spanish
- Seeing Rob carry him in the baby bjorn
- Meeting the foster mom and some of her family
- Watching my mom talk with Samuel
- Samuel and Rob watching intently the cartoon channel (recommended by his foster mom)
- Having ten people reply to the fact that Samuel hadn't pooped and caring so much to follow the progress
Thoughts like that begin to bring tears to my eyes...and reminds me that my heart will catch up, and that I will soon post with all the emotion that the week was.
For now, I head to bed- exhausted- well more of an empty feeling. And I head to bed wishing I was being woken up at 2 or 4am.
love
melanie
PS Be sure to check out the link Rob posted below. Some more pictures have been added. I may also post here some of my favorites.
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
he pooped.
(rob) never seen people more excited... :) now we are off to breakfast. He also slept quite well, and enjoys the Cartoon Network.
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
please God, let him poop!
This is Rob. We're here! Samuel is in our room. He has smiled and smiled from the first moment we met him. He is so aware of people! His foster mom and her 79-year-old mother made a five-hour journey to bring him to us. They were lovely, lovely people and had plenty of advice, kindness, and good wishes for us.
Samuel is beyond words beautiful. I think I'm mainly hypervigilant about keeping him alive for the next several days at this point. He's been crying quite a bit. Lord knows why. Currently he's sucking on his fingers a bit... so far we haven't gotten him to eat or poop (but it's only been a few hours). Every time we try to feed him he starts crying. Perhaps he's constipated. Melanie and Joyce are hovering over him as I type, trying to get him to poop. Melanie keeps doing funny little things with him, saying, "I saw Ruthie do this with Judah" as she does.
Melanie is sky high. I'm sure you'll hear from her at some point.
I'd send pictures, but for some reasonn all the instructions on the blogsite are in spanish right now. Everything in my life is in spanish right now! As soon as I figure out how, I'll send some.
love to you all,
Rob
Samuel is beyond words beautiful. I think I'm mainly hypervigilant about keeping him alive for the next several days at this point. He's been crying quite a bit. Lord knows why. Currently he's sucking on his fingers a bit... so far we haven't gotten him to eat or poop (but it's only been a few hours). Every time we try to feed him he starts crying. Perhaps he's constipated. Melanie and Joyce are hovering over him as I type, trying to get him to poop. Melanie keeps doing funny little things with him, saying, "I saw Ruthie do this with Judah" as she does.
Melanie is sky high. I'm sure you'll hear from her at some point.
I'd send pictures, but for some reasonn all the instructions on the blogsite are in spanish right now. Everything in my life is in spanish right now! As soon as I figure out how, I'll send some.
love to you all,
Rob
Sunday, June 3, 2007
We leave in the morning
In about 24 hours we will be in Guatemala. And in about 36 hours we will be holding Samuel for the first time. It is sinking in.
Yesterday as I checked things off my list, I had a blanket for Samuel wrapped around my shoulders. I have washed it so it smells like our things and I have wrapped myself in it so it smells like me. So that when we leave it behind he will remember us.
We have duplicate toys, one to leave with him and one to have here. (Many things we bring for him may stay in Guatemala for the foster mom to have for the next baby. I'll bring back things that I want for keepsakes.) But we thought for toys we will leave one for him there and then when he comes here there will be familiar things.
I have lists of questions for the foster mom (thank you Julie and Holli!!) and have read up on developmental milestones at three and four months.
We have baby tylenol and medicine for diaper rash. Luggage full of bottles and formula....and lots of cute clothes (thank you Grandmas and Aunts).
We have books to read in English and Spanish (Goodnight Moon and Buenos Noches Luna).
Our church asked how to pray for us this morning and I am so struck with what a caring community we are part of. They have been intimately involved with each step- even having pictures up of Samuel in their homes. And this week they will water our flowers and have solitude in our attic and pray and pray and celebrate.
I sit here tonight realizing how prepared we are. And it strikes me- Samuel is at the only home he has ever known- maybe sleeping, maybe eating, maybe playing, maybe crying. He is hearing voices in Spanish and seeing familiar faces. We have prepared for this day for so long....and he has done nothing to prepare. No wondering what to wear the first time we meet, or if he should leap into my arms or wait for his foster mom to hand him to me. He is going through the routine he has known.
And in 36 hours will he wonder what hit him? He will be in a hotel, a place he's never been. There will be people with very light skin speaking in a funny language.
I said that to Rob- will he know what hit him? And he responded "love". "Love is what you will bring, don't hold back." I've got that- and with all my preparedness, love is what he will need. (and someone who knows how to change his diaper and prepare a bottle)
So if you pray, will you pray that we won't hold back the full force of our love. That we won't hold back how much we have desired this moment. Pray that in the transition of surroundings, Samuel will know love. Love that flows generously. Love that comes not from what we can offer on our own human strength. Love that has been shaped and formed deeply from the "well of grief", from hope.
At our small boat on Monday night, we were talking about what this transition might be like for Samuel....and Thomas said Samuel will look at us and say "Oh, these are the ones God was telling me about". That has stuck with me as I have prayed so often since his referral for his young heart to be tenderly drawn to God. And so that image has meant a lot. To trust that God has known the yearning of our hearts for so long. And that he knows Samuel- and he choose him for us.
So that would be my second area of prayer- for the transition to not merely be about all the "stuff", but to trust there is something deeper going on as we begin to bond with our son for the first time. So yes, please pray for him to feel safe and comfortable and to be healthly and for Rob and I not to panic with new parent tasks. And will you pray for our hearts and souls and spirits- to begin to shepherd and parent and love. I know right now he is so young, that most of our parenting is about physical care. But I know my love for him right now is so much more.
Our first meeting with Samuel is with a great "cloud of witnesses".
Thank you for being that.
love
melanie
Yesterday as I checked things off my list, I had a blanket for Samuel wrapped around my shoulders. I have washed it so it smells like our things and I have wrapped myself in it so it smells like me. So that when we leave it behind he will remember us.
We have duplicate toys, one to leave with him and one to have here. (Many things we bring for him may stay in Guatemala for the foster mom to have for the next baby. I'll bring back things that I want for keepsakes.) But we thought for toys we will leave one for him there and then when he comes here there will be familiar things.
I have lists of questions for the foster mom (thank you Julie and Holli!!) and have read up on developmental milestones at three and four months.
We have baby tylenol and medicine for diaper rash. Luggage full of bottles and formula....and lots of cute clothes (thank you Grandmas and Aunts).
We have books to read in English and Spanish (Goodnight Moon and Buenos Noches Luna).
Our church asked how to pray for us this morning and I am so struck with what a caring community we are part of. They have been intimately involved with each step- even having pictures up of Samuel in their homes. And this week they will water our flowers and have solitude in our attic and pray and pray and celebrate.
I sit here tonight realizing how prepared we are. And it strikes me- Samuel is at the only home he has ever known- maybe sleeping, maybe eating, maybe playing, maybe crying. He is hearing voices in Spanish and seeing familiar faces. We have prepared for this day for so long....and he has done nothing to prepare. No wondering what to wear the first time we meet, or if he should leap into my arms or wait for his foster mom to hand him to me. He is going through the routine he has known.
And in 36 hours will he wonder what hit him? He will be in a hotel, a place he's never been. There will be people with very light skin speaking in a funny language.
I said that to Rob- will he know what hit him? And he responded "love". "Love is what you will bring, don't hold back." I've got that- and with all my preparedness, love is what he will need. (and someone who knows how to change his diaper and prepare a bottle)
So if you pray, will you pray that we won't hold back the full force of our love. That we won't hold back how much we have desired this moment. Pray that in the transition of surroundings, Samuel will know love. Love that flows generously. Love that comes not from what we can offer on our own human strength. Love that has been shaped and formed deeply from the "well of grief", from hope.
At our small boat on Monday night, we were talking about what this transition might be like for Samuel....and Thomas said Samuel will look at us and say "Oh, these are the ones God was telling me about". That has stuck with me as I have prayed so often since his referral for his young heart to be tenderly drawn to God. And so that image has meant a lot. To trust that God has known the yearning of our hearts for so long. And that he knows Samuel- and he choose him for us.
So that would be my second area of prayer- for the transition to not merely be about all the "stuff", but to trust there is something deeper going on as we begin to bond with our son for the first time. So yes, please pray for him to feel safe and comfortable and to be healthly and for Rob and I not to panic with new parent tasks. And will you pray for our hearts and souls and spirits- to begin to shepherd and parent and love. I know right now he is so young, that most of our parenting is about physical care. But I know my love for him right now is so much more.
Our first meeting with Samuel is with a great "cloud of witnesses".
Thank you for being that.
love
melanie
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